Rebirth of a Dream
When I was younger, there was this one time When I dreamed of being a rockstar, a rebel, a rocker, a hedonist a ‘whatever-ist’ But that dream I buried deep, deep down All the way to the depths of my heart Because no one says go, not a word, not even a no And I told myself, yeah, maybe not now, I’ll just be a good girl and work, go move Because that’s what I know, to be a student, a daughter, a catholic a believer Amen. But it’s been almost a decade, and I haven’t moved from here, still here, in this spot, this place, this person, this memory this skin And I can’t change anymore, goddamn-- Because unfortunately I’m no snake Who sheds, and leaves, and crawls Gives no fuck care at all. It was stupid of me to have followed Because now no one believes, will believe If I say no, no thanks, ew, stop, drop --'shit'. I’ve written essays against the great church Against the country, against the world I’ve been fighting, tooth and nail For all those things conservatives hate But I can’t say Breathe, or write Because all I love know nothing of who I am Not who I really am (Not my mom, my sister. Maybe my friends.) Nobody listens. Because yes, I like women and gays. BUT ESPECIALLY CHOICES. Freedom. Abortion. Euthanasia. Money. Maybe. Even sex at fifteen I’ll support. (Though I’ll stop at cold murder). And deep inside I want all of them To retch and stop and cry For all their hate and prejudices I want them To look me in the eyes and say ‘We are still correct’ When obviously they’re not. I’d like to go up to the government, and say ‘99% of you are stupid/corrupt/ugly’ Or to the church, and say ‘why can’t you just love?’ Or to the world at large, and SHOUT ‘stop’. No one will hear, though, and Rockstardom is a dream That might have walked from my heart But I will rebel. And my heart beats with every rule I break Every rule I conquer But I will rebel Even silently, for now.